It has been almost a year since my last post. I have been through one of the most challenging life journeys in the last eighteen months. I have always known there will be times that life would be challenging, but nothing prepared me for this. During the eighteen months of hardship, I can say I am stronger and accept my intuition better. Both my spouse and I have encountered life altering health scares. We also were unemployed at the same time. These two unfortunate events forced me to use new coping strategies. I truly believe that whenever we encounter challenges it is up to us how we choose to handle it. And if we handle it through talking to friends, denying the travesty, or keep fighting the outcome can be different.
I grew up in a household where everything was secretive. Luckily through years of therapy I realized that I had a choice to standup and confront challenging circumstances instead of walking in denial. Denial, blame, rationalization, self-hatred were ways I coped as a child. I really needed a “Come-to-Jesus” meeting with myself because my childhood coping strategies no longer worked. My biggest accomplishment has been the small jewel of people from my LYS who have embraced me. Those people who have freely given to me through listening to me or giving me information about county resources. I know I have grown from my experience of being among ‘the working poor’. What I realize now is that money is a small fix that creates a short breathing room, but what is most important is having a community of people who love you. In my time of stress, I knitted my 1st cardigan during a Knit A-long (KAL). I do not have a great track record for keeping up with KALs. I don’t even remember when I started, but I know that there were at least 10-15 people who have also started and completed their projects.
Hopefully someone will get to take photos of all the knitters that participated in this knit project. I started a new job last week and it is good that I am out of the house. I get stir crazy staying in the house all day. I get to miss Eddie- my spoiled baby pom. He looks drowsy all the time. Let’s hope things get better.
My annual commitment for all things knit designs is here for a week. The following logo is the information about getting 25% off of select knit designs. During this time, funds are tight so I am probably only able to support 3 separate designers.
This select pattern is included in the Indie Design Gift-A-Long! Come join us athttp://www.ravelry.com/groups/indie-design-gift-a-longfor all the inspiration, chat and cheer you’ll need to get your gifts finished this year. My gift to you is a 25% discount on this pattern when you use the coupon code “giftalong2018” from Nov 23, 2018 at 8:00 pm US EST to Nov 29, 2018 at 11:59pm US EST.
I feel like I am knitting more now that I am not working. I have completed several applications and had 3 interviews so far in November. I have an in-person interview at a university. I am excited, but at the same time I need to negotiate like mad to get all the perks if salary isn’t there. It’s in a growing field and can put me in a good career path.
During our mood, I found my uncle’s obituary/funeral program. It hurts me still. He was my biggest cheerleader. Althought it has been many years since we’ve celebrated Thanksgiving, it still upsets me whenever I want to pickup the phone amd call him. He was my hero growing up. I’m glad we spent the last years of his life getting to know each other. He treated me like an adult and asked me questions like I had something to offer. My family with the exception of my aunt still see me as the ‘little kid’. The delicate one who might break. Two years ago when my uncle dies, I broke alittle, but I still standing.
Knitting keeps me grounded. I am thankful for a lot. I am happy to have friends to stay with because my family doesn’t acknowledge my marriage or the love/committment that I have for my spouse. To be disappointed by family is something I cannot explain. I will not go crawling back to people who constantly lied to me about their feelings for my relationship. It takes a weak person to lie to my face for over a year. Hope no o one has to experience that kind of hurt. I alqays thought family is supposed to be there for you.
I’m making mittens for myself and getting rid of socks for a family member who no longer cares for me. This holiday will be different becaise I will be surrounded by people who care for mee. Knit friends I hope you a have stress-free and supportive time. Remember those who once were there for you and celebrate the new ones.
2017-2018 have been the hardest years I’ve ever experienced. Sometimes in recovery, people share their “rock bottom moment”. My “rock bottom moment” occurred on a Thursday morning. Leaving my house and not being able to find my car. I cried and was inconsolable. This my speak volumes to my motivation. I won’t go into detail about the financial unraveling I’ve experienced just in these last six months.
This beautiful skein is from Tempting Ewe yarns. We backed the house up to move. I am so sore from packing. One amazing discovery is finding yummy yarns. My stash has grown so much. I had 2 sock requests in exchange for financial exchange. I went back and forth on creating a Go Fund Me page. I have more friends than family. Lately some of my family has shown me that I can’t really rely on their help. We were all set to travel back to my home town (12 hrs away). Last minute bail outs was because I’m married to a woman.
This event with family reminded me why I chose to move many miles away. I had forgotten how cunning certain family members can be. I can’t dwell in it, all I can do is move forward. I feel most comfortable with my lovely wife than the woman who gave birth to me. Years ago, this situation may have thrown me into a depression tale spin. Not today hinwy. As my favorite knit friend said– how’s your F#%* it meter on full? She means have I reached rhe point where nothing bothers me. Every little turn is not a catastrophe. My meter so high, I’m make socks for people.
I just needed a couple of months to get my mind back on track. I’ve had several health issues that have made me feel uncomfortable, but I guess it comes with the territory of getting older. I finished my aunt’s shawl and she loved it. It’s getting warmer in California so she may not wear it until next season. I give myself huge props finishing it so quickly. I used Malabrigo Rios my favorite yarn to do it.
Its been alittle over a year since my last post. The strength of the grief tide has gotten less daunting. The theme for 2018 is renewing (my) spirit. I lost my job a few months ago, but I’m still standing. My family has been very helpful. I’m going back to the one thing that I love– knitting. I’m looking at old projects to finish. Renewing spirit means I’m drawing upon the things that bring me happiness. I have several socks I’ve been itching to make. I finished a winter hat called ‘Check this out’ by Laura Reinbach. I chose Tempting Ewe So Wooly Worsted in Fiesta colorway and Malabrigo.
I’ve been slacking lately. My knit enjoyment has been down. I’ve finally settled on the shawl project to make my aunt. She is so special to me and I hate that her partner my uncle is gone. Grief is such a nasty beast. I only feel a fraction that my aunt must feel. It so unfair. I called my aunt on her birthday to wish her well. I could sense in her tone a faraway wish that he would be there with her.
I will say it’s a pattern from one of my favorite designers. It has a chart that I am diligently following. My increases are sort of yucky so I’m unknitting from time to time. Friends what’s on your needles?