2017-2018 have been the hardest years I’ve ever experienced. Sometimes in recovery, people share their “rock bottom moment”. My “rock bottom moment” occurred on a Thursday morning. Leaving my house and not being able to find my car. I cried and was inconsolable. This my speak volumes to my motivation. I won’t go into detail about the financial unraveling I’ve experienced just in these last six months.
This beautiful skein is from Tempting Ewe yarns. We backed the house up to move. I am so sore from packing. One amazing discovery is finding yummy yarns. My stash has grown so much. I had 2 sock requests in exchange for financial exchange. I went back and forth on creating a Go Fund Me page. I have more friends than family. Lately some of my family has shown me that I can’t really rely on their help. We were all set to travel back to my home town (12 hrs away). Last minute bail outs was because I’m married to a woman.
This event with family reminded me why I chose to move many miles away. I had forgotten how cunning certain family members can be. I can’t dwell in it, all I can do is move forward. I feel most comfortable with my lovely wife than the woman who gave birth to me. Years ago, this situation may have thrown me into a depression tale spin. Not today hinwy. As my favorite knit friend said– how’s your F#%* it meter on full? She means have I reached rhe point where nothing bothers me. Every little turn is not a catastrophe. My meter so high, I’m make socks for people.
I just needed a couple of months to get my mind back on track. I’ve had several health issues that have made me feel uncomfortable, but I guess it comes with the territory of getting older. I finished my aunt’s shawl and she loved it. It’s getting warmer in California so she may not wear it until next season. I give myself huge props finishing it so quickly. I used Malabrigo Rios my favorite yarn to do it.
Its been alittle over a year since my last post. The strength of the grief tide has gotten less daunting. The theme for 2018 is renewing (my) spirit. I lost my job a few months ago, but I’m still standing. My family has been very helpful. I’m going back to the one thing that I love– knitting. I’m looking at old projects to finish. Renewing spirit means I’m drawing upon the things that bring me happiness. I have several socks I’ve been itching to make. I finished a winter hat called ‘Check this out’ by Laura Reinbach. I chose Tempting Ewe So Wooly Worsted in Fiesta colorway and Malabrigo.
I’ve been slacking lately. My knit enjoyment has been down. I’ve finally settled on the shawl project to make my aunt. She is so special to me and I hate that her partner my uncle is gone. Grief is such a nasty beast. I only feel a fraction that my aunt must feel. It so unfair. I called my aunt on her birthday to wish her well. I could sense in her tone a faraway wish that he would be there with her.
I will say it’s a pattern from one of my favorite designers. It has a chart that I am diligently following. My increases are sort of yucky so I’m unknitting from time to time. Friends what’s on your needles?
I thought I would feel differently by now, but grief is a damn bitch. I am extremely grateful for my LYS. Accepting my strangeness and allowing me just to soak up the knit atmosphere. Laughs were hard to come by in the early days, but in my recent trip I started opening up. Opening up to me means laughing and BSing with my regular friends. Occasionally my thoughts drift to my uncle, but he wouldn’t want me to stay I unhappy for long. In addition to my curious dog Eddie. He can snatch a skein in under 3 seconds. He keeps my company when I knit so I guess I can overlook the occasional skein thief.
K N I T T I N G update
I started working on 2 new projects that are giving me joy. A hat called Check This Out! Hat and a pair of socks for a friend (not pictured).
I’m in a dilemma with knitting a gift for my aunt. She chose the pattern and I already can’t stand it. Part of me is fighting it with its 210+ cast-on. I should have known it wasn’t going to be easy. I love that at least the yarn is yummy Malabrigo Rios, but I have to ripe it out because it was a Mobius cast-on by accident. Both are textured, but one grow outwardly (Alicia Plummer’s MidAutumn) and the other is built in the round (photo by Tricotbec- Brookstone). I don’t have time to play around as her birthday is the first week of February.
In another topic: Work update
I am please to announce I’ll be starting a new job at a local university. It only took me five years to aquire a job in the same state I reside. It will be a positive shift where I can really take care of my home and make it more welcoming. I slowing telling a couple of people I work with case I don’t want a big fuss. The funny thing is that my old director is organizing a Luncheon for my departure from the city. I love the people at my old job, but loss motivation. It took me a good year to start looking. As a fellow knitter should remind myself that if the pattern isn’t meshing then it time to get a new project. What’s on your needles, friends?
I do not feel like my normal chippery self, but life must go on. I lived most of 2016 with intention. I define intention as action behind words. An example of intention in 2016 is that I went to a library conference and managed to present in two different segments. My confidence in research and having a professional presence both were achieved. I even managed to utilized Twitter at the conference and while watching Super Soul Sunday. That was the biggest surprise when I saw that I was re-twitted.
In 2016, I honored my intention my making a cabled hat. It was scary, but I made it through. It had a good home for a knit friend.
In 2017, I have more knit plans:
Finish 4 WIPs. One sock, two shawls, one hat,
Schedule 2 knit sessions for cabling
Start first sweater by Nora Gaughan called Mohr
Make 3 socks for me
In non-knitting goals:
Complete book chapter by providing research and analysis
Complete research for local symposium conference
Attend a library conference in August
Attend a professional football and college basketball game
Have fun even if things don’t turn out the way I want it to.
Read 10 books, most are non fiction (the list is at work)
Lastly allow myself to grieve through writing and talking with friends. Listen to music more and allow for silence whenever things become too much. My uncle was like Mr. Miyagi from Karate Kid. He always asked a question when I’d ask him something as a little kid. I can almost hear his voice saying “Do not give up Grasshopper, I’m with you always”.
Special thanks goes out to my LYS friends whose presence was an antidote for my grief. I remember studying Elizabeth Kúber Ross in undergrad. I wasn’t interested in what she thought then, but now it makes some sort of sense. The stages of grief. I’m still angry and resentful. I truly to be myself, but the loss of my uncle who was my shining light isn’t physically here with me. Advice for grief that isn’t helpful… “It gets better with time”. This makes me angry. For the bereaved time is like poison. I’m still not myself, but made it a point to be around others for the sake of having normalcy.
I haven’t done too much. I want to finish this test knit that is beyond due. A dear knit friend showed me a fabulous hat batter with chunky yarn. It’s mean green for a dear friend. I working on another Kate Davies hat and bought some fabulous colors from Tempting Ewe Yarns.